All this I wrote while under the influence of ecstasy, it includes things I typed in Notepad, plus segments of instant message conversations:
(Note: Just to clarify, ALL of the following made perfect sense to me while I was writing it. And most of it still does right now.)

I just took a tab of XTC about 45 minutes ago, and I'm starting to feel the effects. My heartbeat
is heavier and my skin feels more sensitive. The world seems more vibrant and ALIVE. I feel more
energetic. Now it feels like warm little cuddlebugs are crawling in my hair and all over my face
and scalp, it's like a supermicromassage on a massive scale, it's something everyone needs.
I just looked at my leg, at once it looked like it was a seperate character from the rest of my body.
I don't feel very thirsty right now, but it looks like I'll be in this for most of the night, there's
plenty of time. I spent two full minutes ruffling my own hair because it felt so amazing and significant
My roommate and I are watching Chuck, it's one of the few 'rime-time' TV shows that I actually like.
It's so absurd and serious at the same time, like my leg and the rest of my body, so fucking SEPERATE!
Before i did this, I imagined myself rolling around in amazement at the universe, then shouting "All the world is radient in it's beauty!!!"
I don't feel like shouting right now, but that's how I feel. I wonder how I would look walking down the hall to just anyone.
I can feel my body temperature increasing. I could drink more, but all I have is vitamin water, that will just make me more thirsty.
I feel like there's a hole in the earth that I could make use of somehow...

jagengrad (8:12:39 PM): usually
jagengrad (8:13:04 PM): You said I was crazy, based on what you know about me, all you know about me was when we interacted while I was still in the troop
jagengrad (8:13:09 PM): ANd I was sober the whole time
jagengrad (8:13:20 PM): You hadn't seen anything
jagengrad (8:13:49 PM): THis is like insanity, boiled down into it's purest form, and compressed into a pill

YOu exist in the context of the god in your mind!!! THat's such a noble existence! You're standing up for what you believe in and the mind can be expanded so far, what a glorious existence to labor in the splendor of the human mind!!!!!!!!!!!!1

Computer screens and television screens are so inorganic and dull. When I look at them I don't see any patterns. Patters occur naturally and are interpreted
through the residual data from everything we've collected in our memories over the years. Same with all images. (I have to pee really bad, at first I wasn't going to parenthasize this, but it seems more a background thought. Even though it's now at the forefront of my mind, it's not relevant to what I'm trying to do)
ANyway...

Is it less valid if I'm experience the same things that wikipedia told me I would experience? Does the fact that so many other people have felt the same things as I am feeling make it as dull and mundane as a television screen? At first, I thought maybe, but why? Isn't this still being filtered through the unique complexity of my mind? A supernatual being doesn't have to create something this complex! Everyone's mind starts out as a blank slate, they grow so complex when our environtment adds things to it. It's like a pearl that's built up from bacteria and shit building up inside a clam. Lame metaphor, I know, but it gets the point across.

I can't take it anymore, I must pee NOW

The hypothesis that God created mankind because mankind is so complex that it cannot possibly have come about on its own works retroactively; the human mind is the true god, it's so powerful that it created the gods that we all worship. All the anger and drama on televison is so insignificant now, because it's just fiction, it's no longer valid because it's just fake emotions. All films and television shows that, at any point, have taken themselves seriously (that i enjoyed, in this particular case) have now been ruined for me.

Band of Brothers
No Country for Old Men
Um... do cartoons count? Do they ever take themselves seriously? Sometimes they do when whatever network that carries them forces them to inject fake emotion. But that's not the fault of the creators. They are forgiven.

We all go to the same place, so everything is going to be alright.
I told Braeger that, I approached him on the way back from the bathroom and grabbed his shirt and told him that.

While I was talking to Eva, the data and information she was conveying to me was manifesting itself on the ceiling as a component of the Universal code (portrayed as the "Matrix Code" in the Matrix Trilogy) the complete universal code is all of the data exchanged between humans in real time
layered on top of each other, in code form, and each code is unique to each person, but there are certain... I don't know... subroutines, segments in the code that allow codes from two different sources to interact and understand one another. The basic and simple codes are layered on top of each other to create the Universal Code.

Eva told me that this kind of feeling is the basis for human spirituality; seeing the infinitely complex in the mundane and simple, is that what spirituality is? Probably not, but at least I'm searching.

ON King of the Hill, all of the female major characters are stereotypical "Texan Woman" who, because of some cosmic understanding between them, are able to understand the causes of one another's absurd behavior, no matter how absurd it may be.
I wonder if there are actually groups of people who interact with one another like that.

Television and internet code are simplified, lesser incarnations of the Universal Code.

If MDMA were legal, stock prices in energy drinks would drill a hole in the soil, people reject their televisions and internet

we are our original selves with the residual data from interactions with other people

In my scrapbook, take a look.

Thats... about it. Nobody ever pays attention to this shit anyway.

By SabuKudo, I suppose I HAVE to do this now:

Eight Things About Myself

1. Having been fired from two different jobs in the past 12 months, I'm extremely paranoid about my status at my current job.
2. I used to drive, since destroying my car in a crash (no serious injuries on my person, in case you were concerned), I can't get car insurance for the next three years without insane rates.
3. My mom caught me smoking weed. She didn't ground me, she didn't take anything away, make me quit my job, nothing like that. She was mad at me for 24 hours, then it was like nothing ever happened. My dad doesn't want me doing it in the house. I love my parents.
4. I'm a /b/tard, if you don't know what that is... well... too bad.
5. Politically, my views are all over the place. I guess you could call me a liberal Republican. I am pro-choice, but against gun control. I support legalization of soft drugs and treatment (rather than imprisonment) for those who use hard drugs. I also support school vouchers and privatization of all schools in the country. I oppose the death penalty (I think rotting in prison for life is worse punishment), and believe the only crimes should be actions that cause harm or deprive someone of property. Oh, by the way, FUCK Obama, I supported that prick and he ends up sucking right-wing cock. That's it, I'm voting Libertarian.
6. I'm... going to Texas Tech University in Lubbock, leaving August 17th (this is hard, I'm already out of interesting things)
7. I'm a big gun enthusiast (see #5), and I'm probably going to collect guns when I get out of college (once I've risen out of the post-college poverty).
8. I rarely get angry at people, I just imagine creative and violent ways to kill them. Eventually, I forget what they did to upset me and I end up forgiving them.

I wanted to get rid of the old journal, so here's a random OC questionairre(sp?)

Basics

1) What's your character's name?
Kain

2) How old is he/she?
Seventeen

3) Is your OC a boy or girl?
Male

4) What's his/her race?
Human, Half Arketian, half Kessuk islander (the same as being half-Russian, half-Hispanic)

Appearance

Average height with slim-athletic build, black hair, but head is usually shaved. Gray eyes. Usually wears a woodland marine cap.

1) If this character were to suddenly become part of the 3D world, and ended up in a heavily-populated area, how many stares would he/she get?
None, probably.

2) Is your character considered normal in his/her own world?
Not really, he is a mercenary who suffers from post-traumatic stress syndrome and is prone to nervous breakdowns and violent flashbacks

3) What would be his/her most recognizable feature(s)?
His eyes, they have a very focused, intense quality.

4) Would you consider your OC as attractive?
He's attractive in his own way.

Personality


1) Temper?
He's easily irritated, but usually keeps a level head.

2) Does your character ever get depressed?
He had bouts of depression right after he joined the Mockingbird crew, around age 13, he's over it now.

3) Leader or Follower?
He prefers to follow, but can lead if the occasion calls for it.

4) What is the main aspect of his/her personality?
A live-for-the-moment mentality and a darkly sarcastic worldview.

History

1) Did your OC have a family of any sort? If so, are they still alive?
Yes, he had a mother who owned a local brothel. She was killed in an artillery attack.

2) Is your character out on his/her own? If so, why?
He was for a while, he considers the Mockingbird to be the closest thing to a family he's ever had (or ever will have).

3) Has he/she encountered any traumatizing events?
He grew up in a warzone, his entire childhood was one large traumatic event.

4) What was probably the best time in his/her life so far?
Due to his 'live for the moment' way of thinking, the question is irrelevant, but the best answer would be the day he joined the Mockingbird.

Romance

1) Single?
Yes.

2) Has your OC developed any romantic relationships?
No

3) Virgin?
It's uncertain, he shows an ambivilant attitude towards the opposite sex, leading some of his crewmates to think he was gay for a while.

4) Does your character like flirting?
He is indifferent to it.

Symbolism

1) What animal would you accociate your OC with? (Sorry, no creatures of myth and legend allowed!)
A really nasty black cat.

2) Musical Instument?
Err... saxaphone?

3) Element?
Shadow (that's sort of an element in a very traditional sense, right?)

4) Planet?
Sorry, stupid question, I'm skipping it.

Showing the Love

1) Do you draw your character?
No, I can't draw worth shit.

2) Do you write about him/her?
Yes.

3) Do you use him/her in any rpgs?
RPG? Fuck that.

4) What other ways have you appreciated your OC?
You... don't wanna know about that.

RANDOMIZE!

1) Is your character wanted for anything?
Yes, by several governments and other entities for all the shit he's done to them for money.

2) What are three weaknesses in him/her?
Emotional/psychological instability, lack of education (he can't read and can only do basic math), lacking sense of compassion

3) Strengths?
Combat, strategy (not just military, in other things as well)

4) Does your OC drink or smoke (ect.)?
He despises cigarettes and alcohol, but smokes weed every now and again

5) What's one quirk about your him/her?
He sometimes has nightmares about 'rape clowns' (Note: I thought of this one right as I was doing the survey)

6) Does your character have any phobias?
Rape clowns, being backed into a corner

7) What could you do to get him/her into a blind rage?
Give him some Z-Pills,

8) Does your OC like chickens?
He likes eating them, but not fucking them...

^Above, random phrase that came to mind as I clicked the link to update. Pay it no mind

The life of a bi-curious 13 year old boy trapped in a 75 year old woman's body.
Not really, but damn, wouldn't that be wierd?

Just smoke two or three or maybe four really tiny bowls, just to help you(me) sleep.
It was the strangest goddamn thing. There I am(was?), laying in my bed at 1:30 in the morning, iPod on and earbuds in, stoned off my ASS (that part is very important). After a while, I open my eyes, believing that it's around 2:30AM and only 10 or 12 songs have played. I look at my iPod, It's actually 5:50AM, and 65 songs have played.

Uh... what the hell? Yeah.
THC is a hell of a drug.

And here's the best part: I remembered, or thought I had remembered, a specific list of songs that had been played one after the other while I was laying on my bed. Well, as I backtracked with the handy left skip button, I discovered that those songs had been played, but not one after the other, they all had several other songs that I did not remember in between.

Now, if you understood that last paragraph, pat yourself on the back.

Anyway, I ended up sleeping until around 11:45 in the morning. I REALLY hate sleeping in like that. Thats the last time I ever use weed to help me fall asleep.

In other news:
-Spring break is boring. Whereas my mom and youngest sister are kicking ass up in Pittsburgh (where it's snowing, I NEVER get to see snow), I'm stuck down here in lukewarm Austin, Texas. At this point, Green Day's song Long View is my national fucking anthem. Horray for pre-sellout Green Day!
-I just realized that a particular kid in my Boy Scout troop has a mild (I'm being conservative here) obsession with me:
1. He constantly follows me around.
2. He makes comments such as 'Spencer is a mini-God'. I'm hoping that's sarcastic.
3. On a recent campout, he wore sunglasses and his uniform in a manner similar to me and said to various people, 'I look like a mini-Spencer'
4. He is almost totally subservient towards me. During the campout, he asked me if I wanted to sleep in his tent, so that I wouldn't have to set up my own. When I refused, he offered to set up my tent for me.